"It's a difficult life, but it's your life..."

That was the line a woman working with AMPATH here in El Doret said to a 20 yr old young man.  Both his parents died from HIV when he was just a child and he has been living on his own for over 10 years now with little help from remaining family.  She is the field coordinator for the AMPATH Orphans and Vulnerable Children Program.  Victor, the 20 year old, is literally living in a room the size of a closet and that is all he has. Oh yeah, and he has to take care of his younger brother. He has been receiving nutritional and school fee assistance for some time from AMPATH and now he is trying to get some school fees for college.  He just wants a steady job in an office to make enough money to have a good life.

When I asked him what a "good life" is, he said, "when I am in a position to help others is when my life will be good."  The AMPATH worker, let's call her Jane, was trying to give Victor some tough love.  She has seen it too many times where people become dependent on the assistance they receive and are unable to provide for themselves in the long-term. She told Victor he shouldn't be asking AMPATH how they can help him pay the remaining tuition fees, but what can he do to secure the money himself.  She even insisted that he spend his money more wisely.  He had little to nothing in his room.  A mattress, some newspapers to decorate the wall, and there was a cheeky radio playing some static tunes.  Jane suggested instead of the batteries to play the radio, he should be saving that money for school fees.

I had a hard time digesting that comment.  I mean, I understand what she is saying.  She is trying to be almost like a mother figure to him, trying to make him become an independent adult who finds ways to deal with his situation, to empower himself and feel as though he can find a solution.  But, I kept thinking, "where do you draw the line to human dignity?"  Is the music one of the only things that keeps this young man's spirits high when everything else feels so difficult, so hopeless?  We all need a vice.  Is it fair to ask people who don't have anything to forego some outlet, some way of letting out all the stresses of their day, of their life?  To me it doesn't...but then again, Victor doesn't have many options.  AMPATH has helped him for most of his life and he has worked hard to do well in school and take care of his younger brother, but now he is aging out of the system and will soon receive no assistance.

My experience going out into the field with an AMPATH community health worker today was a bit insane, but also refreshing.  For the first time here, I was able to talk to a fellow American (she was actually from New York) and she was awesome...a little off her rocker, but so am I!  As soon as she started talking to herself, I knew we were gonna get along.  She is the field coordinator for the Orphans & Vulnerable Children Program. They currently monitor 17,000 children in Western Kenya. We went to some of the houses of people they help.  Most of them are HIV+ or children whose parents died due to HIV. The stench of streets riddled with trash, sewage, and stinky pigs eating muddy garbage was so intense.  The tiny rooms people were living in (some were lucky enough to have a mattress to sleep on) seemed more like a prison cell. I think a prison cell back in the states would be considered a suite in comparison...

I'm tired and my brain hurts a little today.  Maybe tonight I will sleep a little better before I head back to the village for my last two days.  Of course, this cockroach staring at me right now is a little unnerving.  I can take almost anything...spiders, insects, snakes, but cockroaches are like the anti-Christ to me.  I sleep with the lights on in my hotel room because I know they tend to shy away from the light. eeks!